Minu Ga Hana 見ぬが花
by BelovedShadow
Summary: Not facing your sins is a sin in and of itself- no matter how appealing it may seem; but when life jerks you around, and everything you hold dear is crumbling beneath you, would you turn to the arms fellow sinner for comfort? Journey through a story where brothers have already acted on their lust. When Innocence is broken, and trust is shattered, but the need to touch lingers on.
1. A Tainted Bond

**Uchiha Complex- Centre Courtyard**

**April 9th**

**10:05 PM**

**Narrative POV**

Silence. It was the only language they spoke anymore. Lonely, bitter, antagonized silence. Only in silence could they truly understand the soundless emotions that washed over them- which was why the silence was torture and happiness all at once. When Itachi rose, for a single second he could feel the pleading pull of Sasuke's mind- trying to yank him closer. He ignored the sinful temptation of his brother and exited the peaceful place, just as quietly as he'd come.

The younger Uchiha watched as the weasel left. Ever-familiar with the sight of Itachi's back. How long? He wondered. How long would they linger on like this? Perhaps it would be better if they could bring themselves to remorse, regret- _something. _But no. They didn't look back, and they didn't think little of themselves. No one spoke of it, no one knew of it, and no one ever would. That was how it should have been- only that it should never have happened at all. Or at least, that's what Sasuke knew he was supposed to tell himself. He'd never believe it though. Every night when he went to sleep, at the ripe young age of sixteen, he would slide his hands under the sheets. He would ease himself into a peaceful slumber in the best way he knew how, and just before letting rest take him, he would whisper his brother's name.

How could he not?

It had only been six months. Six long aching months since Itachi had given into his deepest darkest temptation, and committed the shameful act of claiming his own brother in a way that no one else had. In a way that no one else ever would. In a way that no one else every _could. _He owned Sasuke through and through. Body and soul... and heart. He had complete control over the child that was once so innocent, and he knew it. But he'd satisfied his lust. He'd destroyed his brother's honor in a disgusting way, and he wouldn't do it again. It was just that simple. It happened, and it was over. One night of heaven, an eternity in hell.

That's how Itachi viewed the situation. Sasuke was the victim to him. And that was true. He'd completely taken advantage of his brother's love for him. However, there was a point in the aftereffects of that night that they disagreed on. It could never happen again, that much was clear to both of them. The problem was that while Itachi blamed himself entirely, and said that it was in Sasuke's best interest to stay away from him- Sasuke blamed Itachi entirely and was also able to realize that he couldn't live without him.

They were tied now. A platinum chain made up of each tear they shed out of love. Each laugh they forced out of pain. Each flinch they made out of pleasure. They were hopelessly addicted to each other. To the feel of each other's skin, to the sound of each other's voice, to the expression on each other's face. They'd tainted each other in such a way that it left an emotional scar- a deep confused scar that neither of them quite understood.

Tainted. That was the perfect word to describe it. Sasuke sighed, standing and exiting the courtyard walking the opposite direction of his brother. Yes, they were quite tainted indeed.

**Uchiha Complex- Sasuke Uchiha's Bedroom**

**April 10th**

**3:24 AM**

**Sasuke's POV**

Soft footsteps. Very soft. Gentle, even. They were being slightly careful, trying not to disturb my sleep. My door creaked slightly as he slid it open, but I pretended not to notice as I kept my eyes closed. It was another torturous game that we liked to play with one another. He approached me slowly, taking his time- and why should he not? This was perhaps one of the only moments when he'd have time to spare, so he should feel free to waste it however he pleased. With a soft sound the bed sunk to accommodate his weight.

I could feel my pulse quicken as he lifted a single callused hand and placed it on my forehead. I pretended to shift slightly in my sleep, and even without opening my eyes I could see the sad yet slightly amused smirk that he must have been wearing. For he knew I was awake. There was no deceiving him, it simply couldn't be done. But as he leaned down and pressed his lips softly to mine, he was pretending that I was asleep as well. As if that would somehow make him feel better. As if that would ease the need for him that grew not only in my heart, but deep in the pit of my stomach. A twisting, curling, lust that begged for him and him alone. I lived for Itachi. Breathed for Itachi. The very blood in my veins pulsed in an attempt to support my heart- and therefore support Itachi's home. Because that's where he truly lived. It was the only residency that either of us would feel comfortable in- each other's hearts.

With another whisper of a kiss, he pulled his head back away. "I have to leave for a mission in Amegakure in four hours." he says carefully.

I sigh, sad that he's broken the silence. When we use words to speak their all spoken through a mask. "Don't lie to me." I whisper softly. He has no mission in Amegakure. I know this because I know him, and I know when he tells me the truth. I open my eyes and let them meet his. The signature black and red pupil that represents our kekkei genkai is staring back at me. I've angered him somehow, but that's of very little importance. "Don't lie about why you're going to that place. Father is against that organization, you have no business meeting with Pein and Konan at such an obvious hour of the day. You'll be caught."

He gave me a gentle smile then. A genuine one. The kind that no one but me has ever seen on his face. "I only lie when you are not ready for the truth, Otouto. Fugaku Uchiha can be for or against whatever he wishes, it's of no consequence to me."

I frowned at him, an odd contrast since he was still smiling. I wanted to hold him in my arms then. To beg him with my words and my body alike- to please, _please _not keep secrets from me. I wanted to shield him from the world and whisper sweet lies about how everything was going to be okay. I wanted to look after him, and hold him, and care for him. I wanted to be the big brother, and do for him everything that he's always done for me. I don't speak my wishes aloud. They will only distract his thoughts from whatever it is that he's about to do, and since I know that he'll leave me here either way, I decide to spare him for now and let him at least go with peace of mind.

He kisses my forehead softly and stands to leave. "Don't worry over me, Otouto. I'll always come home to you. No matter what."

"Itachi!" I called after him frantically, before he could slide my door closed again. He turns back to me, asking without words what it is that I want from him. "Never mind." was what I said aloud. But what the words I really meant to have spoken were 'I love you.'

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Not the show. Not the movies. Not the merch. Not the Manga. Not any of it.**

**A/N: I hope this fic is to your liking so far! Please drop me a review and take my poll! Sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors, but English isn't my first language. (Okay, that's kind of a lie... I mean, technically it's not, but it might as well be... anyway, I'll continue using that excuse anyhow!)**

**Love you SO much for reading!**

**-Beloved**


	2. The Rain Dance

**Amegakure **

**Pein's Tower- Roof**

**April 28th**

**8:17 PM**

**Narrative POV**

It was raining. Then again, this was one of those places where it was always raining. It cast an ominous haze over the whole city, and yet for some reason it felt like a welcoming mood to Itachi. Perhaps that was because it was always raining in Konoha as well, just without the obvious visual effect. For once, the gloomy cloud that always seemed to be hovering over the Uchiha's head didn't feel so out of place. He sighed, turning slightly to the left as he felt a body approach him on the right. For a moment Itachi considered trying to count the raindrops, but decided against it. Even if his eyes were fast enough for something like that, pointless waste of a blessing wasn't something he liked to practice.

"I can't help but wonder, Itachi-Kun, what it is that a pitiful place like Amegakure could possibly have to offer that's inspired you to remain here for so long?"

The weasel didn't turn at the sound of Pein's voice. It would just be a slight movement of the neck to look back, but still, even such a mundane task would be a strain since he already had the entire planet weighing down on his shoulders. "Have I overstayed my welcome?"

There was a damp clack with each step the orange haired man took as he grew closer and closer to the illusionist. Pein sat in thought next to Itachi. "Of course not. It just seems curious that someone as devoted to their village as you are would linger on unnecessarily in a place like this."

Itachi nodded, looking down at the depressed city below. The skyscrapers were placed so closely together that it was nearly impossible to simply gaze down at the people walking the streets, and even if you could manage to get a glimpse, there wasn't much to see. Frantic quickly moving civilians, all scurrying about like ants- only with less purpose. There were hundreds, thousands of them. Each and every one in a hurry to get absolutely nowhere. Still, they carried on with their lives, even after knowing that being born in a place like this promised no future. How did they live like that? How did they strive through without falling into despair? Itachi frowned. Here he was, five steps ahead of them in every aspect of ability, but emotionally he was so far behind.

"In Konoha, rain is a sad thing." He mused. Not certain if he was talking to himself or to Pein.

"Oh? Do you like rain?" Pein asked, trying to understand his most mystifying comrade.

"Sasuke likes rain." Itachi answered, again he wasn't able to tell why he'd said what he said, but he continued nonetheless. "He would love this city."

Pein watched the Sharingan user in confusion. Itachi was truly quite the interesting man. He was like some sort of defected onion, on a mission not to ever be eaten. Each layer was thick and callused, and peeling them off proved to be near impossible, still, if you let it sit undisturbed for long enough, you'd start to get a whiff of the scent. That was what Pein had now, a feint understanding of Itachi's personality, not enough to actually use- but enough to know that Itachi was indeed an onion, not a stealthy radish in disguise.

Itachi shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the feeling of those nosey Rinnegan eyes staring into his back. He went back to his private musings, but this time kept them to himself. What had he been thinking about? Oh, yes. Rain. It was such a depressing act of nature back home, everyone told stories to children explaining that it was the tears of a hundred Kami soiling the land. Here it was different, certainly they must think the sun to be some foreign horrid monstrosity, and welcome the rain with open arms. Or maybe the people here were like Sasuke. The Uchiha felt the hints of a smile playing on his lips.

His little brother used to make such an adorable scene during those cool rainy days in spring. Sasuke was the type of child that felt a single day of sunshine could never be wasted, and he felt the same way about rain. As soon as the sky went gray, the boy would excitedly tug on his little yellow poncho and hurry outdoors. He would sit. For _hours _he would sit, and he would wait for a storm. To Sasuke, rain should always be danced in. His rain dance was silly, out of rhythm, and innocent.. so very innocent were his movements. Little jumps and hops, he would set out on a mission through the gardens of the complex, challenging himself to splash through every puddle- succeeding in destroying the majority of Mikoto's plants.

Itachi would follow silently behind him, always cautious, always concerned, always ready for the worst. He never would have guessed then that ten years later, he'd be the one to damage Sasuke the most. He'd be the one to cut through the innocent skip and hop motions of the rain dance. It would be him, Itachi, the beloved older brother. He would be the one to end Sasuke's childhood, and all in one night. It was raining that night, and they had learned a new dance, together. A new movement, a new motion. It was the opposite of the delighted little puddle-jump. It represented a loss of innocence, a loss of silliness, and a great gain in rhythm. They were perfectly in time that night. Perfectly in touch with each other. Perfectly _one _in every way, and now, months after their bodies had detached, their hearts still couldn't be persuaded to separate.

Sasuke didn't dance anymore. He didn't smile. He didn't laugh. Then again, those things could probably be said of Itachi as well. He felt the hint of a smile exiting his features as soon as it had come. Naturally something as warm and lighthearted as a smile would feel uncomfortable and strange on his cold emotionless face. He stood, ready to leave this gloomy place. Perhaps there wasn't that much comfort in rain after all.

**Konoha**

**Uchiha Complex- Courtyard**

**April 27th**

**11:33 AM**

**Narrative POV**

It seemed like a sin to be so lonesome when the sun was so bright. It shone high above the sky, towering intimidating over Sasuke's head, as if to boast about it's eternal happiness. Sasuke much preferred the moon. It wasn't always sad, but it wasn't always excited. It was a quiet peaceful thing- only involving itself in your day to day life if you wanted it to. The sun was inescapable at the complex, each room was connected by this courtyard or the grounds outside. There were windows, doorways, and archways everywhere. The light would follow you around. The moon was different, if you wanted to gaze up at it in the dark, you were free to do so. If not, you need only flick a switch and the darkness would be forgotten. If only life were that simple.

He sighed, looking at the empty spot to his right. For some reason he was overcome with a yearning for rain, the moist droplets of fresh water leaking continuously from the sky sounded so comforting- but in truth, Sasuke knew that it wasn't really rain that he wanted so desperately.

_Aniki... where are you?_

**A/N: As you can see, these chapters are disgustingly short, but updated often. Hope you enjoyed these first two pieces of the puzzle, the picture it will portray is not yet entirely clear as of right now, but I think you'll enjoy watching it all unfold xD**

**Please review and take my poll! **

**Love you!**

**-Beloved**


	3. Always Watching You

**Uchiha Complex- Dojo**

**April 30th**

**6:01 AM**

**Itachi's POV**

"You wished to speak with me?" I asked tiredly, in truth I was completely uninterested in whatever the man had to say. He wasn't the reason I'd returned home- and he wouldn't be any happier to see me than anyone else. What an ignorant man, always worrying over me without sparing a minute on the child that loves him so.

"You're late." He responds coldly.

I looked up at the clock on the wall to confirm that I was indeed a minute late. I mumbled a quick generic apology, but I didn't mean it. I had spent that minute peering into Sasuke's window as he prepared for his day. What a foolish little brother I have. At sixteen he's already reached Jōnin level, and he still has yet to notice that I'm even back home- much less that I spent an entire minute gazing at him through his open window.

I want to see him. I can't tell if that's the angel on my shoulder wanting to comfort him- or the devil on my shoulder wanting to corrupt him, but either way, I should see him before bedtime tonight. Maybe during the day, if he doesn't have any other business to attend to.

"Where have you been all month? Another two weeks and you could have been declared a rogue ninja!"

I glared at him somewhat sympathetically. It must have been difficult to be born into an elite clan and have the mental capacity of a baboon...

"Otousan, I informed the Hokage of my coming and going. She's actually still not expecting me back for another week, and since I haven't committed any crime, as an ANBU it would be highly unwise to declare me a rogue ninja after only a month of being out of my village." I explained with ice frosting over each word.

Fugaku clearly is completely unaware of my distaste for him. He goes on rambling about this or that, and I let my mind drift to a happier place. What should I do when I see Sasuke? Maybe we can talk about what happened... no. He won't want to discuss it. It must be a very painful memory for him, I'm sure he's even more disturbed by our disgusting behaviour than I am.

For me- all that I have to come to terms with is the fact that I betrayed his trust. He's the one who has to live a life not knowing who to trust anymore. I was probably the only person the poor child ever truly loved, if we're anything alike. He is most definitely the only person I'll ever love... but... not in that way. What we did that night wasn't love, it was lust. A very, _very _potent and powerful lust- but lust nonetheless.

"Itachi... Itachi?... Boy! Listen to me when I'm speaking to you!"

"Sumimasen, Otousan. I was lost in thought, what did you say?" I asked, knowing that the way I kindly positioned my voice would disallow him from becoming too upset. What a shame, I could even charm my own _parents _into doing whatever I wanted. No, not quite. Such cheap tricks would never work on my mother.

"I was merely emphasizing that I sincerely hope you weren't with that organization again."

I frowned, putting on my most innocent face. "But of course not, Otousan. Haven't you already banned me from doing such things?"

"Don't try and act like this would be the first time you decided to undermine my authority, Itachi. I already told you, that I will _not _tolerate you being in contact with-"

"Otousa-... Aniki? When did you get home?"

I look up at the pained yet excited eyes of my brother. We only allow ourselves a brief moment of eye contact before both of us have to turn away from the intensity of those few seconds. No, time is not counted in things as simple as minutes, hours, and seconds when it comes to Sasuke. He is far above such human forms of mathematics. From now on, I will only count his heartbeats. At the moment they are frantic and rapid, but he keeps a cool face. He doesn't realize that I can hear them. Even my own brother underestimates my ability. It's a pity, really.

"I arrived early this morning- well, earlier. It's still early now."

He gives me a single nod and turns to face our father. "Otousan, I would like to borrow the scrolls you were speaking about earlier, if you don't mind. Lady Hokage wishes to see me in an hour and I assume she'll keep me all day, but if you'd take my request into consideration, I'd appreciate it if I could use them later in the week?"

It's hard not to laugh, hearing Sasuke speak so formally. I remember when it was all baby talk and pointing. He has grown into a fine young man- with no help from me, of course. He'd still be an innocent boy if I hadn't stolen his purity from him.

"I already gave them to Tekka, go ask him. Your brother and I were talking, leave us." I glared at the man as he spoke. He would never have been so sharp-tongued and rude if I'd asked for something so simple. Sasuke seemed completely un-phased by it though. That was even more disturbing- apparently this was routine for him.

**Uchiha Complex- Dojo**

**April 30th**

**6:25 AM**

**Sasuke's POV**

"I already gave them to Tekka, go ask him. Your brother and I were talking, leave us."

I nodded curtly and gave Itachi one final glance before exiting the room into the courtyard. The god damn courtyard. Why must it be this particular place that connected all the rooms in this house? Why couldn't we have a hallway, or a ballroom, or something- _anything _other than this courtyard. It was filled with nothing but memories.

Not bad memories, necessarily- simply memories to that were too good to remember- so un-mistakenly delightful were these memories that just recalling any one of them would make the present seem almost unbearably painful.

I let my gaze linger too long on the step where Itachi and I like to sit together. As a baby, there are pictures of him holding me on that step. As a young child, I'd follow him out and sit next to him. Always on his left- never feeling myself worthy to be my brother's right-hand-man. Why was that? What was it about him that made me feel like my very existence was meaningless?

Everything. It was the way his hair fell so beautifully down his back, while mine spiked up in defiance. It was the illusive prism of his eyes- while mine were a simple almond shape. It was the sun-kissed tint on his skin, while mine always remained bleach pale. It was the toned muscular shape of his arms and chest- while I appeared scrawny and weak.

It was Itachi himself- and everything about him. He was a deity and I was merely a mortal forever worshipping him from afar- never able to reach up into the heavens and grasp him, never able to build a tower all the way to the clouds and make him climb down with me. No, that wasn't quite true was it? There was one night, when he swooped down and held me close, carrying me up to Olympus with him on beautiful angelic wings. For one night, he lied beside me in paradise.

**Uchiha Complex- Sasuke's Bedroom**

**May 1st**

**2:04 AM**

**Narrative POV**

It was very late when Sasuke got back home and flopped out onto the bed. He had to tiptoe all the way to his room, pausing briefly next to Itachi's door to confirm that the elder was sleeping. He had to do this, you see- because he knew that he was about to do something that he most certainly did _not _want Itachi to know about.

Okay, that was sort of a lie. In a perfect world, Itachi would know, and he would spy regularly, until one day he just wouldn't be able to spy quietly any longer, and he'd barge in and fuck his brother senseless. Unfortunately for Sasuke, this was the _real _world, with all it's raw imperfection, and his _real _brother had a lot more self-control and respect for his privacy than that.

The teen sighed, stripping off his clothes piece by piece. He gave a sexy little strip tease with each article- just incase this really was an ideal situation, and Itachi really was spying on him.

But no, Sasuke had been right before when he checked to see if the weasel was sleeping. Itachi was sound asleep- completely unaware and unconcerned about his Otouto's little seductive movements.

Catching sight of himself in the mirror, Sasuke snorted and stopped his stripping. What an idiot he was. Itachi wouldn't like to see him showing off like that anyway. If Itachi _were _going to spy on his brother during personal moments, he'd probably be much more turned on if Sasuke behaved as if he didn't know he was being watched.

Wait... when had this turned into an attempt to seduce Itachi? That was out of line. Completely unimaginable. Itachi couldn't be seduced, and Sasuke wouldn't dare try. No matter how much he wanted to, there was no way that that idea would work... again.

He sighed, taking off his undergarments and lying down flat on his bed. It was too hot to cover up tonight, so his usual routine of stealthily sneaking his hands beneath the covers wasn't used.

He stared down at his slightly-firm phallus with disgust. "_You're _the real sinner, you know." He said to it in a soft voice. It hardened a little more, clearly even more affected by the thought of the particular sin that it had convinced Sasuke to commit.

Still, he knew that on some level he was lying to himself. Itachi's dick was the sinful one, not _his. _His dick was hardly involved, he chuckled, reaching down to rub a finger against the entrance of his ass. Yes, this part of his body was the one who'd gotten him into this mess.

He pulled the finger back up, sucking at it and slipping another two fingers into his mouth. Was it sick to be turned on by the musky taste of your own ass? Or was it sick to wish that your _brother _was turned on by the taste of your ass? Tch. Both.

With a quiet pop, the fingers exited his mouth and he positioned one at his entrance again, this time slowly sliding it in. It was a simple task, he'd been doing it for a few months now.

The second finger followed behind the first, and the third came soon after that. Sasuke whimpered lightly to himself, thrusting his moist digits in and out of his anus. He used his other hand to give his neglected cock some much needed attention. It was now fully hard and weeping.

He used his thumb to spread some of the precum over the head, then began pumping it quickly. There was no need to hold off tonight. He didn't restrain at all, and in only a few minutes he was releasing onto the duvet, with a light yelp of Itachi's name on his lips.

...

Dark black eyes watched Sasuke's movements in fascinated curiosity until the boy was finished. Expert ears caught on to a familiar name as the child released into his own hand. Surely, that must have been a mistake... Had Sasuke just said _Itachi's _name upon reaching climax?

_Well I'll be damned. _The man thought to himself in shock, staring intently at the now sleeping teen. He carefully stepped into the room, resting a hand gently atop Sasuke's head.

"Sweet dreams." he whispered.

Sasuke recognized the voice, but by the time his eyes shot open- the room was empty.

**A/N: I believe this chapter is just a TEENSY bit longer than the first two, but anyway... Review and take my poll please!**

**You're so appreciated and loved just for reading!**

**-Beloved**


	4. Reorganizing Priorities

**Konoha**

**Uchiha Complex-Kitchen**

**May 9th**

**10:49 PM**

**Sasuke's POV**

To say that I was pissed the fuckoff would be a major understatement. To say that I was hurt emotionally also didn't capture the gravitation of this situation. I sighed, cutting cruelly at an innocent potato that had done nothing wrong- other than of course been in the kitchen while I was mid-tantrum. I thought to myself, going over recent events. He showed up here a week ago, as if he'd never left at all- then took me out to eat.

It was the strangest meal we've ever had together. It was oddly numb, in fact I don't think I'll ever be able to say where we were or what we ate. I don't even know how it was communicated that we'd go to dinner. We had just sort of known that we needed to have time together, and we found a way to do so.

We didn't speak, but the silence was different. It wasn't the semi-comforting silence in which we couldn't lie. It wasn't the honest silence. It was as if we both wanted desperately to speak, but had no idea what to say so we didn't.

Then, after dinner, we both sat in the courtyard. I don't know how long we sat there, but we fell asleep like that. With Itachi leaning against the pillar, and me slumped onto my own knees. I wake up two hours later with his jacked draped around me. He was gone.

He's _still _gone. I got him for one _fucking _week and then he left _again_. Who does he think he is to just pull at my heartstrings like that? Doesn't he know that I give a fuck about where he is? At least last time he had the decency to let me know where he was going. Apparently now I don't get any information at all.

I glared at the potato on the cutting board. I had intended to chop it for stew, but it was minced into such small pieces that I gave up and threw it out. I wonder if that's what my heart looks like. All shredded and useless- perhaps that's why Itachi feels no hesitance in throwing it out. It's not fair though. How can he loath me for being such a disgrace when he's the one who disgraced me?

Before the thought is even complete in my mind I feel myself being yanked away from the counter and thrown violently onto the table. How on earth could I have had my guard down long enough for some one to sneak in and attack me? No, wait... I know these hands.

I look up to see Itachi hovering over me angrily. He sighs and sits down next to me on the table. Oddly enough, I'm unconcerned with his attack- instead I find myself worrying over what our mother would do if she saw us on her furniture like this.

"Aniki. We should get off the table, Okaasan is gonna murd-"

"Why, Otouto? Why do you care about the fucking table more than you care about yourself?" He spits out in fury.

I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with him, and I know it shows on my face. I just look back at him in confusion. On one level, I'm ecstatically happy that he's showing some emotion towards me... and still, I wish that he would display his more passionate side in a kinder way.

"Uh, I don't care about the table! I would just very much appreciate if I didn't have to scrub the toilet in the master bathroom for the next six months!" I argued, knowing that our mother tended to come up with especially tedious punishments for this sort of thing. Itachi looks at me for a second as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about then he growls angrily and smacks me across the face. I wince, bringing my hand up to the painful spot- but knowing that secretly I'm delighted that he touched me.

"I'm not talking about our mother! I'm talking about foolishly letting yourself be spied on at night! What if someone was plotting against you?"

My heart skipped a beat a the thought that he might have been watching my little late-night sessions. "You've been..." I couldn't bring myself to finish it.

"What? _Me? _NO!" He sighed, stepping off of the table and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustrated thought. "That would be a complete violation of your privacy, Otouto. Of course I'd never to do something like that." He said kindly, looking at me with hurt eyes.

Oh lord, now he thinks I don't trust him or some nonsense like that. Silly Nii-San. In his wildest dreams he'd never imagine that I secretly _want _him to spy. Okay... maybe in his wildest dreams... I'm sure he must at some point have had a dream in which I desired him in such a way or else he'd never have come to me that night in the first place. He was so desperate then, so frail, and damaged and weak. I can't help but wonder how long he'd been carrying that weight. How long he'd _known _he felt that way and not acted on it. Then, everything changed. It began with one simple kiss, from my lips to his. I still remember the shocked look on his face, the way his eyes looked down at me seductively. I still remember his hands on my skin, tracing my- wait a minute... If he's not spying on me then who the fuck _is_?

"If not you, then who?"

Itachi frowned, unwilling to tell me who this mystery master of espionage was. "Well?"

"... Don't worry about it... just please take better care of yourself, Sasuke. I can't stand the thought of losing you."

He can't stand the thought of losing me? That sends butterflies through my stomach. "Aniki, when you leave... you're not... you're not with-"

"I'm done with that organization. You're my top priority right now."

**Otogakure**

**Orochimaru's Hideout- Dining Hall**

**May 8th**

**6:30 PM**

**Narrative POV**

"Orochimaru-Sama! Thank you so much for having us here!"

"Of course, it's the least I could do." The snake-like man replied, humbly bowing his head to the childish masked figure that had addressed him. "Everyone, please help yourselves."

"Itadakimasu!" Tobi exclaimed gleefully, reaching for his chopsticks and attacking the food so quickly that by the time everyone looked over to him, they could only catch a slight glimpse of his chin as he was already putting his mask back into place.

The others went on with their meal, eating in peaceful silence until Orochimaru turned towards a particular red-eyed comrade. "Itachi-Kun, you haven't touched your food at all, is there something wrong?"

Sharingan eyes rose from the plate to look at his host calmly. "Yes, this food is poisoned. If you would be so kind as to fix me a plate that won't cause my body to be immobile for the next three days, then I'd be glad to break bread with you."

The Sanin let out a wheezy cackle and smiled widely at Itachi. "It's impolite to examine your food with those eyes of yours. I'm beginning to think that you're not a very hospitable guest."

"You're not a very cordial host." was the weasels monotone reply.

"Yah~! Don't fight! Ita-Sempai, you can have half of Tobi's food!" the goofy lollipop resembling man cut in frantically, as if he would be greatly embarrassed by a brawl.

Kisame's eyebrow twitched at his fellow Akatsuki member's whiny drawl. He could feel more than hear that Zetsu was lingering behind them. The other members hadn't been invited to this particular gathering. In fact, Kisame himself wasn't really invited, but his partner had insisted on his presence. Apparently Itachi didn't trust being alone with Orochimaru, Tobi, and Zetsu- which the shark found to be very odd.

Itachi glared over to where Tobi was sitting. The orange-faced individual was bouncing hyperactively and trying to pass Itachi his plate.

Itachi frowned. "It's bad enough that you're behaving like a child. If you insist on living through personality number two today, then I have no desire to speak with you."

Zetsu sniggered in the corner, another wheeze of laughter was heard from Orochimaru, and Kisame merely looked confused.

Tobi giggled delightedly, not phased at all by Itachi's distaste for him. "_Ita-Chaaaaaan!_ Be nice to Tobi! Tobi knows a seeeeeeeecreeet!"

That caught Itachi's attention. He realized that perhaps his choice to bring Kisame was foolish- no, it wasn't. It would be quite unwise to let his guard down around "Tobi" alone, much less Orochimaru and Zetsu. However, he couldn't speak freely with Kisame around.

"What secret?" he asked, in what he knew sounded like a carefree tone.

"An Uchiha family secret!" Tobi replied excitedly, rising from his seat to bounce over to Itachi's side.

"You've already told me what you know of Uchiha family secrets."

"Hai, Tobi told you a BIG secret, desu ne? But! Tobi has been spying, Ita-Chan! Tobi knows _anotherrrr oneeee!_" The man taunted happily.

This even caught Orochimaru and Zetsu's attention. They too had thought themselves to already be fully informed.

"Hn. Whatever." Itachi replied calmly, giving his glass of water a careful examination before deeming it untainted and taking a sip.

"Oh come on, Itachi, _do _play along!" Tobi insisted. "It's a really juicy one! It's about your brother!"

Less than a second later Tobi found himself pinned up against a wall, with mangekyou eyes glaring deeply at him. He chuckled a little at that- they both knew that Itachi was no match for him, but he decided he'd play along and take a little beating.

"What do you know?" the weasel growled furiously.

"Little Sasuke gets so cold and lonely, even on hot summer nights. He begs silently for his Nii-San to come warm him up." Madara whispered poetically, letting go of the act for a moment, so that Itachi would know that his words should be taken seriously. He laughed as Itachi grasped hold of his neck and choked him.

"You're lying." Itachi stated firmly. "Stop trying to play with my head, and tell me the truth."

Madara couldn't help but smirk from behind his mask. "Don't use the lies you tell _yourself _to decide what's true and what's not. You know I'm not lying."

Itachi let his arm go limp against Madara's neck. "If I catch you spying on my brother again, I will not hesitate to kill you." each word darted out of his mouth like venom, and Madara had to admit that in that moment, he was actually somewhat intimidated.

Itachi glanced around the room one more time before leaving. His father was right. He had no business here. If he hurried, he could be back home by the next night. Back to his warm bed, back to loving eyes... back to Sasuke.

What an idiotic brother he had. Itachi literally _hated _Sasuke for getting himself into so much trouble.

**A/N: I hope that wasn't TOO confusing... I know it's weird that I went back in time during the second half, but it was a little necessary, so gomen!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I almost didn't post this chapter because there were so little reviews for the last one...**

**Love you!**

**-Beloved**


	5. Enough

**Konoha**

**Uchiha Complex- Itachi's Bedroom**

**May 10th**

**7:42 PM**

**Narrative POV**

"Do you need something?" Itachi asked.

Outside of his door, Sasuke gasped. He had been standing there, staring at the thin piece of wood separating him from his brother for at least twenty minutes, and he had _thought _that Itachi wasn't aware of his presence.

"... No." The younger brother replied, biting his tongue in punishment for breathing loud enough to blow his cover. He could hear his brother sighing sadly to himself.

"Come here, Sasuke."

Obediently, the younger Uchiha slid the door to Itachi's bedroom open and softly stepped inside. He examined the room carefully, slowly looking at every square inch of the space before letting himself gaze into the dangerous eyes of his brother.

"Looking for something?" The weasel asked, studying Sasuke's observant behavior.

"No, just... taking everything in."

"Nothing's changed."

"Hai. It's the same as it was ... before."

They both silenced then. The last time Sasuke had been in Itachi's room was _that _day. The day that had changed everything between them. The bed was the same. Made neatly with plain white cotton sheets and a plain black comforter. Even their positions in the room were the same as they had been before. Itachi was lounging lazily on his bed, probably having been looking up at the ceiling, and Sasuke was in front of the door.

"Sasuke, I-"

"Don't."

_Don't say your sorry... I'll cry if I hear those disgusting words leaving your lips._ Sasuke thought to himself. How much would it hurt him, he wondered. How much agony would he endure if he had to hear that Itachi truly regretted what they had done? What would he do next? Was there anything he could say to make it clear? Although, even to himself- his feelings were unclear. What was it that he wanted from Itachi? If he realized it, and asked for it, his beloved brother would do anything for him. He'd realized that... before.

"The next morning," Sasuke began, looking at Itachi intently. They both knew what morning he was talking about, there was no need to clarify. "That next morning, after what happened. I should have stayed. I should have been next to you when you woke up."

Itachi frowned and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand and clenching the other into a fist. This definitely wasn't his favourite subject of conversation. Well, they hadn't ever talked about it before- but he could already tell that this wasn't a conversation he would especially enjoy.

"Why are you bringing up something like that now? It doesn't matter. You didn't hurt my feelings, I was wrong to do what I did to you anyway, it's expected that you would avoid me afterwards."

Sasuke winced, feeling as if he was being stabbed, and not just with a normal knife, with some sort of blunt iron object that had been pre-heated, for the sole purpose of branding his heart with the word "broken".

"Itachi... I didn't... It's not that..." The boy took a deep breath. "I was afraid. Not afraid of _you. _I was afraid... that you wouldn't look at me the same way anymore... now... now you don't look at me at all."

"I don't have to look at you to _see_ you, Otouto."

Sasuke frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I don't have to use my eyes to tell that what happened is torturing you on the inside. What kind of brother would I be if your pain didn't affect my emotions as well?"

Sasuke shrugged, and allowed himself to lazily collapse onto his bottom so that he was sat semi-comfortably on the floor with his back leaning against the wall.

"I appreciate your concern, Nii-San; but my suffering isn't because we had sex."

Itachi winced slightly, not expecting that Sasuke would be so frank with him. He had of course already understood on some level that sex couldn't have been the only issue. The problem was the change in a relationship what came with sex. They could never simply be the kind brothers that they were before- everything was much more complex now.

To call someone a brother meant several things at once. When someone heard you say the word brother, they assumed other things- friendship, companionship, loyalty, sibling rivalry, and of course, love. So, when something happened that re-defined all of those things, could you really call yourself that person's brother? Not the same way. What did it mean when a brother was too loyal, coo compassionate, too loving? Was he really still a brother... or was there some other title to be had?

Even if they weren't brothers anymore. What were they? Not quite lovers, not quite brothers, not quite friends, not quite enemies. Could Itachi really think of his beloved Otouto as naught but a mere acquaintance? No, of course not. But then... what else could he call them? Nothing fit correctly. Their titles were almost as confusing as the feelings that caused such turmoil in the first place.

Sasuke sighed and frowned at his brother. "You think too much, Itachi."

The weasel looked up at the child on his floor and gave a sad smile in return. "You give me a lot to think about, Otouto."

"What's thinking about it gonna do if you never say anything? You don't even speak to me anymore."

"We're speaking right now." Itachi argued, trying to ignore the flash of some unfamiliar agitated emotion as it danced across Sasuke's features.

"Is this really enough for you? Can you _honestly _say that this conversation is _enough_?" Sasuke asked. He tried to calm himself slightly, not wanting to get too worked up in front of Itachi.

"Enough of what?"

**Sasuke's POV**

Enough of... what? How could he ask that question? It seemed like the answer was right in front of our faces, and at the same time so extremely out of our reach. This isn't enough. This will never be enough. But enough of _what_? What is it that I feel I'm not getting enough of?

Itachi? Was it Itachi himself that I feel I'm getting so little of? Or is it his love? His touch? His voice? What is it that I'm so shorted by? Is it time? Am I not getting enough time with him?

Or... or what? Maybe it's some sick combination of everything. I realize that even if I were to have enough, that wouldn't be enough. I'll always want more. More time with Itachi. More of Itachi's love. More of that sinfully addictive feeling when Itachi's skin was pressed against mine. I could have more and more and more of him, each day for the rest of my life, and it would never really be enough- because I'd never really have him until he accepted _me. _

If I lied beneath my brother, grasped by the thrill of ecstatic pleasure for hours at a time each day, and he never once needed it as badly as I do, I wouldn't have enough. Because what I wanted, what I still want, and seem never to be able to acquire- is quite a simple thing: For Itachi to reflect back to me the same thing I'm pouring into him. All of the hurt and emotion and love and lust and need. If he would feel what I'm feeling, and show me that. Then, and only then, I would have enough. Even if he never acted on it.

But...

Itachi would do no such thing. He won't love me again. He won't touch me again. He'll barely even speak to me again. So I've given up on happiness for now, I suppose.

I let out a disappointed breath and stood. I had to get out of this room. I'd cry if I stayed any longer. I turn back towards the door, fully prepared to hide out in my bedroom for the next few days until I finished pitying myself.

"Sasuke,"

I froze, and turned slowly to face him. I looked at his eyes. They were so like mine, but never the same. Always a little more precise, a little more beautiful. They were dark now, and shining too brightly. Almost as if there was moisture building... as if he himself was also holding back tears.

"Yes?" I asked shakily, trying to convince myself that the single drop of liquid trailing down my brother's cheek was anything other than what I knew it to be.

"Don't go."

**A/N: Don't kill me! I know that after it being so long it's cruel to leave it there... but I have to or else my outline will get all messed up and there'll have to be a retarded filler chapter where Sasuke dances to a Jonas Brother's song. And no one wants THAT, so you've got a cliffy instead. **

**Reviews and poll-takings are greatly appreciated!**

**Love you for reading!**

**-Beloved**


	6. Please

**A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long… please forgive me?**

**Enjoy! **

Sasuke's kisses were like fire. They burned through Itachi, from his lips to the very core of his soul, demanding the attention of his every sense, his every thought. They consumed him entirely, body and mind, and left him unable to process anything other than the feeling of his brother's soft lips on his, his brother's moist tongue fiercely entangled with his, his brother's gentle, somehow cautious hands, roaming freely across his chest.

He was lost now, in the mystical world of Sasuke's kisses, so lost that he had forgotten how this had even begun in the first place…Sasuke had been sneaking around in the hallways… and then… oh, right.

"_Don't Go." I said softly, unable to release him from my sight. I truly am blessed by his mere presence… such a beautiful creature. I know that I'm crying, and I know that he can tell, but the tears run freely nonetheless. How could I hurt him? How did I let myself harm this perfect little angel? All Sasuke's ever done was trust and love me, and I've been perfectly content to think that I ruined all of that… and yet… _

_His words suggest otherwise. His body suggests otherwise. The simple way his breath hitches and he looks at me, with those eyes… those beautiful onyx eyes. They stare right through my cold façade and pull out a warmth in me that I never knew I had. A warmth… too hot in fact, more of a flame. A burning flame of love, passion… lust. So much emotion, and all for no one but him. He is my world, my life, the essence of my existence… my brother. My beautiful, precious brother. _

"_If I don't go, then I'd have to stay." He says slowly, knowing that I understand the meaning of his words. He thinks that I don't want him here… oh what a foolish Otouto I have. How could I ever not want him? It's my want for him that got us into this mess in the first place. I can't even begin to imagine how very simple and complete our lives would be- were it not for the small fact that I want him… so much. It never… never really occurred that he would be able to want me as much as I want him, but I can see it in him. He doesn't want to leave my side either. _

_He walks slowly towards me, as if he's bracing himself with every step, and looks at me, searching for something, some sign, some direction… but I have no comforting words to offer him, even when he's so desperately needing. We are both beyond each other's help now. Two sinners forever intertwined with one another's fate. _

_I let my eyes connect with his for a moment, as he stands before me, he's only a foot away from me, and he draws closer still, sitting beside me on my bed. He curls into himself slightly, and rests his head on his knees, looking down at his feet. _

"_What do you want from me, Itachi?... If you would… if you would only _ask _and stop keeping so much inside… I would do whatever it takes to make you… to make you like me again." He mutters sadly. I can't tell if he's really talking to me or just pointlessly rambling out his thoughts. _

"_I don't want anything from you, Sasuke. I never did. Nor have I ever disliked you, in any way." _

_He looks up at me, then, and crawls over closer to where I am, my legs are outstretched in bed and I'm leaning against the headboard. He sits on my legs, without straddling me, as if he's riding a horse side-saddle. He relaxes atop me like that, resting his head on my shoulder. There is nothing remotely sexual about our position, and it reminds me of the closeness we once had… the way we were so comfortable touching without thinking too much of it. _

"_You wanted something from me… once." He whispers, slightly lifting his head so that he's looking at my face, only centimeters away. _

"_You came to me that day, Sasuke. I don't deny that I was just as wrong as you were, but you can't lay all the blame on my shoulders." I answer coldly. _

"_I came to you then… I come to you now…" He mutters, leaning in and closing the distance between us, kissing my cheek gently. "Please…" he whispers against my ear, biting softly at my ear lobe before tracing his tongue down my neck. "I'm begging you… don't regret what we've done… feel it… embrace it… accept it… accept _me_… please?" he asks, kissing at my throat. _

_I can't help but feel the expected effects of his touch, my body responds no matter how much my mind is horrified. _

"_This is wrong." I say, although I know I'm trying to remind myself just as much as him._

"_This is _love._" He answers harshly, snapping his head away from my neck and again staring at me with those deep onyx eyes. _

"_You love me… you're in love with me… you said it once. You proved it."_

"_Statutory rape isn't proof of love, Otouto." _

_He glares at me for a moment, and reaches a hand up, gripping my jaw firmly. _

"_Call it what you want, Itachi. Hate yourself for it if you want. Hate _me _for it if you want, but if you're so intent on pronouncing yourself a sick minded child abuser, then you better make it worth my fucking while." _

_I raise a single eyebrow at him, mildly amused by his statement, although I remain in blatant disagreement of it. He truly does appear to be angry for a moment, but as one solitary tear travels down his face, I know that his aggression is a bluff. _

_He sighes in defeat, and wraps his hands behind my neck, collapsing himself backwards, and pulling me along with him, so that I'm hovering atop him. _

"_Please…" he whispers. "Show me you care… I can't believe your words when they're spoken so infrequently… show me that you still love me as much as you once said you did."_

_He leans upwards, pressing his lips against mine, and it was then, that I became –for the second time –lost in Sasuke's kisses. _

Sasuke knew that he was truly resorting to cruel and unusual punishments with his brother, but he couldn't help it. He'd been denying himself what he wanted for too long, and even if it was only one more time, even if he made a fool of himself in the process…

He was going to get Itachi back.

**A/N: Review? Please? I'm begging here… not as convincingly as Sasuke, because I'm happily married to someone who is most likely not you- well, one of you reading this, yes, but not ALL of you… so, I can't be as …hmmm… as **_**robust**_** in my persuasive methods as Sasuke is, but I CAN beg… so please please please please PLEASE review! **

**I love you for reading! **

**-Beloved**


	7. Waking

**Konoha**

**Uchiha Complex – Itachi's Bedroom **

**May 11th **

**4:10 AM **

**Itachi's POV**

I woke beside him, in the wee hours of the morning. His body was naked against mine, and my bedroom smelt of sex. My first thought was despair. How had I let this happen again? Weren't we both in enough of a pickle the first time?

Apparently not, because as my mind recollects the feeling I had in my heart with my body moving atop his in that sinful way that it did last night, I find myself unable to think of it as anything but beautiful. Unfortunately this bliss only lasts me a moment, because beautiful and warm as it all was, the truth is that I feel it shouldn't have happened. Really, I do. Even as I was pushing myself into him I knew I would regret is as soon as I thought back to it, but he was so soft, and so tight, and he looked so lovely, and he smelled so sweet.

He shifts slightly in his sleep, pressing us even closer than we were, and I find myself inhaling his delicious scent before I'm ready to admit to myself that I've buried my nose in his hair. He sighs softly, in a way that is quite aware-sounding, though I know with a strange certainty that he is still sleeping peacefully.

I'm still tired, if I'm to be honest – but I dare not even close my eyes for too long. I'm afraid of what I'll see when I wake. Whether I fear him staying or going is unknown to me, but somehow if I'm awake when he wakes, I think that it might soften the blow either way. Perhaps not though. I'm not sure I can survive him walking out on me again if I'm up to see him doing it. It was different last time, waking to an empty bed. It made it seem properly sinful, whereas lying here beside him as he sleeps is more intimate.

I wonder when the option that mimics what true lovers do became the _less_ sinful in my mind. At least I have held on to enough sanity to know that Sasuke and I aren't really lovers. Though it would be quite the wonderful thing if we were – we're both too smart for that, and he'll always be the brother I kissed on the forehead far before he grew into the lover I kissed on the mouth, if that makes sense.

I must be thinking hard enough to wake him. His head moves slightly against it's perch on my shoulder, and I take my arm from around his waist as he lifts up slightly and grumbles some sort of waking nonsense. He then freezes, as if suddenly realizing, as I had, that he is not alone, and he is not dressed.

Then, with a sudden urgency, his eyes flash open.

**Sasuke's POV**

When I open my eyes, Itachi's already looking directly into them, as if he knew exactly where my pupils would land as soon as I woke up. He stares at me for a long time, and I stare back at him, and I realize that he's scared, but I can't tell if that fear is because he wants me to leave his bed or because he never wants me to go.

Luckily – I don't care what he's afraid of, because I've already resigned myself to a life forever beside him, and while I definitely meant it in more of a metaphoric sense, it also means I'm not getting out of this bed just yet.

"It didn't hurt as much as the first time," I say, because I don't know what else to say, and a simple 'good morning' seemed horrifically inappropriate for reasons I don't entirely comprehend.

"Didn't it?" Itachi asked, face an image of pure curiosity. "I found it to be at least ten times more painful." He elaborated.

I frown at him, not knowing how to respond, but resolving that I would respond anyhow. "The kind of pain I'm talking about is different than what you mean by that," I say. I know that he knows that already – is there anything I know that my genius brother does not? – Yet still I feel that this is one of those moments where Itachi and I are more comfortable with carefully planned words than we are with admitting how well we understand each other without words. Because wasn't last night wordless enough?

I am overpowered by the memory of his eyes staring into mine, his body – rigid, but fluent. His chest so hard, and his strong arms holding him up over my own unimpressive build. And were we not silent? Of course we were. Our parents wouldn't dare enter Itachi's room, no matter what sounds they heard, but had we allowed ourselves to moan, to whimper, to _beg – _with anything other than our eyes, it would have been too real. We would have thought too hard about what we were doing. It was better to keep focused on the slick slapping sound of him taking me, better to wait, until the very end, when my eyes rolled back, and I knew that I had broken the silence, but that he had not heard or cared, because his body was convulsing just as wildly as mine was.

"Itachi," I whisper, because he still hasn't spoken again. "Promise me it won't be like last time, okay? Promise me that we won't let ourselves suffer."

"I'm already suffering." He replied frankly. "Or at least, I think that I am."

It's an odd thought that a person might or might not be suffering but that they didn't know. Still, I know exactly what he means. I pause, considering that perhaps I'm actually suffering as well. Hm. I just might be. But only out of confusion, because there can be no 'us' without us both, and I still haven't the foggiest idea of if Itachi actually wants me to get the hell out of his room and forget any of this ever happened. It wouldn't be unreasonable if that's what he wanted, and I suffer at the thought of that possibility.

"May I kiss you?" I ask him, and I don't know why I bothered to ask, but I think maybe a part of me is hoping that he'll understand that the kiss isn't really important, and what I'm really asking is if I can stay with him forever.

"No," He responds, though not coldly.

I don't know what it was in my face that prompted him to change his mind, but the moment he looked back down at my expression, he kissed me instead. But somehow, it meant more to me that he'd tried to say no, because that was sort of what this whole mess was about, wasn't it?

We tried to disagree, we tried to deny, we tried to detach. But all we could succeed in was _doing, _whether it be a simple kiss, a night of love making, or the fact that Itachi still let me come in when I knocked on his bedroom door, even though he knew what I wanted both times.

And so, because I knew it was all that could be done, and because it was what I desired – I kissed him back.

**A/N: You know what I love about this fic? The chapters are so effing short. It's great. I finished this chapter in like an hour or less. **

**Anyway, sorry that this took over a year to update, but I'd entirely forgotten about its existence. Maybe I'd remember it more if you guys would REVIEW more! Gosh! This thing is like a barren wasteland as far as reviews go compared to a lot of my other fics. **

**Seriously. Review. It matters. **

**I love you guys for reading! **

**-Beloved**


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